Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Advice for annoying newspaper columnists: Drop dead

"Advice for frustrated job hunters: Stay focused." This was the headline of an article in a recent Snohomish County newspaper. Pathetic excuse for journalism, if you ask me. Advice as general as "focus" can be extended to virtually every problem, every facet of life. Here are a few I came up with: "Advice for absent-minded professors: Stay focused." "Advice for struggling high school students: Stay focused." "Advice for easily distracted alligator trainers: Stay focused."

I realize there is a limited amount of detail one can put into a headline, but come on folks, can't we do better than this? There is a disturbing trend in the modern media to create news based on the obvious, self-evident truths we call common sense. I attribute this to a certain laziness on the part of journalists, who no longer do the difficult research and analysis that leads to those counter-intuitive insights that readers find interesting.

"Advice for anyone who faces any particular challenge, difficulty, trial, or speed bump in the road of Life: Stay focused." And while focused, keep a focus on the lesser-known phenomena that make life interesting.

My Colon, My Friend

I never thought I'd be talking colonoscopy at my age (42), but here I am, getting a colonoscopy today. There seems to be a family history of colon polyps (siblings found with colon polyps at age 40) so I thought I'd strike while the iron is hot. This Colyte stuff is really awful, though; drain cleaner for the body...think Dumb and Dumber, only worse. I had to start the clear fluids diet yesterday, and my appointment isn't for several hours, so I'm STARVING. Right now I could kill for a California Chicken Burger from Red Robin. I think that will be my first stop on the way home, although they say you get pretty loopy from the sedative so I'll probably just go home and sleep. But oh yes, that burger is mine tomorrow (repeat for dramatic effect).

UPDATE: The colonoscopy went smoothly and the doctor found nothing out of the ordinary.